Chillin ill

Been so sick the past 4 days.

Saturday – had a horrid case of the chills just after 8p and nothing made them go away.

Sunday – throat a little sore and I’m shaking with a fever. No energy at all.

Monday – throat glands are swollen and I figure out I can only sleep sitting upright. Sleep is less frequent and only 20 mins a shot. My fever breaks.

Tuesday – gargling with salt water 3x daily. Hard to swallow solid food without taking 4-6 gulps of water after each bite. Took almost an hour to eat a diced apple. Cranky from lack of sleep.

Wednesday – go to bed at 11p, sleep for 2 hours and get up. Stay up for 3 hours, go to bed and sleep for 5 because my body doesn’t care how painful or smothering it is. I got jolted awake a few times due to lack of air or simple pain.

That was the most sleep I’d gotten in the last 3 days. My body simply didn’t care anymore; it wanted sleep and it would get it. My psoriasis is horrible again. I’m praying this is the last day of this.

The good news is I only had 1 day when I ate more than I exercised. It looks like that’s going to be a pattern and I can accept that. I did the same thing a week ago. I have been doing excellent watching what I eat. Portion sizing is a pain, but learnable. I’ve lost almost an inch from every part of my body! My waist went up half an inch, but the other ones were down. I weighed in this morning at 286#. That’ll go back up to 290# I’m sure. It’s water weight – exactly what it says, the weight of water – and it’s a pain in the ass to think “Oh I’ve done so well” only to find out it gets gained back within hours. >:[

Just another bitch session

My ILs are being total assholes. I wish we could afford to live on our own. I checked apartments for rent and the cheapest was $650 with nothing (utilities, minimal furnishings, near empath’s work). I looked for jobs, too, but it’s the same shit: need a car, more experience, deal with customers. If I could go back in time, I’d tell myself not to bother with college because the 2 degrees I’d get will be worthless. The ILs are being smugly superior because they own the house and pay for utilities, so we have to do what they say (yet they complain because we act like children).

All this isn’t helping with my depressive episode that’s going all week long. Back to crying silently in the bedroom again.

Trying out Terraria

After waiting 2 weeks to get empath onto Skype and play Terraria multiplayer, I gave up and went solo.

THIS IS THE MOST CONVOLUTED GAME I HAVE EVER PLAYED.

How so, you ask?

1. The escape key does nothing. If you use the default controls, escape is used there (I customize mine). Any other game allows escape to well, escape from menus and get to the main menu for quitting.

2. The mouse wheel is backwards. Scroll up to go down menus, scroll down to go up.

3. A side-scroller that uses WASD. I’m sure I can use the cursor keys, which I likely will, because why does a side-scrolling game need up, left, right and down keys? Left and right, yes, just to move around, but up and down? What’s the point of the jump key?

4. You have to stand right next to something in order to do anything. No space between you and the crafting table or that block of ore, no no!

Since I’m on a gaming rant, I found out what my problem is with Steam. It doesn’t like starting a game from my desktop via shortcut. The shortcut opens Steam anyway, but that’s not good enough. I have to open Steam and play games that way. So, what’s the point of allowing me to get a desktop shortcut if you keep buggering up when I use it?

And in case you were wondering, empath still can’t play New Vegas, DE:HR, etc. etc.. Of course, no one connected with Steam/Valve acknowledges that there’s a problem.

ION, the diet is going alright. I’m cranky, tired and hungry and I hate it. I’m also very, very bored.

Once more

I dug out my password to Fitday with the intent of getting this fucking fat off me. If anyone cares, there’s a linky to my journal on the sidebar. I even took measurements – the white trash way with a string, marker and 12″ ruler -  and wow, my ass is gigantic!! 68.5″ hips; much taller than my 5’2″. My weight goal is 60# by Nov 1st. I’m going to drag empath out tomorrow to see if we can buy me a pedometer and tape measure to keep better track.

I bought cake pans to make special cakes for guys this year. tee-hee!

Another new look

Decided to change the layout/design of the blog. Hope it’s not too garish. I’m not fond of the white background for the text. Sadly, the ones I really wanted to try are premium. :/

While doing this, I realized I’ve been using this blog for 4 years. I’m such a dork, lol.

21 to zip

Things are okay between myself and the good doctor. A face-to-face meeting was out; empath only has 1 day off this week and we both felt this situation needed to be sorted ASAP. The result was him sending an email, starting off with his New Year’s eve work debacle (someone pulled the fire alarm 15 mins before closing >.<), then progressed into the tension I’d created. empath explained in greater detail how he felt (would be fine with him* and I should be treated like an overly affectionate cat), how I felt (meant it but upset at embarrassing Dr. T) and that Dr. T was in very good company (list of my crushes).

Much to my surprise, Dr. T replied quickly and explained his end of things. He really likes me, but considers me to be part of the family. I’m his best friend’s wife, taken, so therefore off limits. I, of course, read the super silvery lining – he didn’t say he wasn’t attracted me, meaning if I wasn’t married, he’d go for it! Essentially, he didn’t want to ruin his 25 year friendship and I don’t blame him. In fact, I love him for it, but goddamn his morals! If we do get together one last time (Dr. T leaves Saturday), I’ll attempt to keep my flirting to a minimum.  I felt such a  high, I invited everyone to our place for lasagna today or tomorrow. No word back yet, but I have my fingers crossed.

ION, I found a 50% off coupon for Fallout 3 in my Steam mailbox last night. No clue where it’s from or why. Pity I can’t play it – I suck at WASD games.

 

 

 

*empath and I have talked extensively about either of us sleeping around. We don’t have an open relationship, more of a deal that it has to be someone both of us are comfortable with (no strangers, etc.). And I want to say that I’m not a  total whore. I am flirty with close male friends, but if he’s taken, I leave it at that.

I told him

Short – I told Dr. Tinycat I want to fuck him.

For those who want to know 5Ws and 1H, read on.

Last night, we got together for another gaming session of Castle Ravenloft. I decided to have more screwdrivers (4) and tried a White Russian (I don’t like kahlua) over the course of 5 hours. I was tipsy, definitely not drunk. Things were fine until the ride home. We gave Dr. T a lift and I could not keep my mouth shut. I started it off by explaining how I’d seen a lot of inspirational posters on my Tumblr; things like ‘seize the day’, ‘the world is huge see all of it’, and ‘don’t let things pass you by’. You get the picture, right? When I was sure he knew what I meant, I dropped the bombshell with, iirc, “Dr. Tinycat, I want to bone you.”

>.<

Did I feel bad for saying it? No.

I do feel bad for embarrassing/making him feel uncomfortable. I don’t want what I said to come between the 20+ year friendship he has with empath.

I can’t blame alcohol because I was merely tipsy, not drunk. Just enough to have my discretion take a powder, leaving my mouth/brain without that filter that keeps my true feelings in check.

I thought about sending him an apologetic email, though I am wondering if he’d even read it. empath suggested he talk to Dr. T in person to get a better feel of his reactions, like body postures, things you can’t see over the phone or through email. empath figures it would be best since he can give his side of things; that he’s fine with it and it’s not going to break up our marriage. Not that either of us think Dr. T would take advantage. IMO, I am so not his type (aka fit and thin, not fat and lazy).

Supposedly, there’s a tentative agreement to get together for another Castle Ravenloft session. LM wants to kill the dracolich. I’m not sure if I should go, what with what happened. I mean, I’d be fine, but I don’t want to make Dr. T uncomfortable.

ION, empath has had his normal PC dedicated to Steam d/l and updating for last 5 days or so. All the games he’s bought via sales are stuck in d/l Hell. Nothing is getting more than 90% of the files, even smallish games that are only 50 megs. I haven’t tried out Terraria yet. I should since most of the games I’ve gotten via Steam either don’t work at all (incompatibility issues) or refuse to play (Steam problems).

Xmas time again

The obligatory get-together happened this morning. empath’s family likes to open presents on Xmas morning, doing this circle unwrapping thing and showing off what each got. Not comfortable when all you get are panties. -.- I did get what I asked for – cocoa butter lotion – though it was 6 different jars. I was told to see what one I wanted and I’m guessing I return the rest. That’s a thing with MIL – buying a bunch of stuff, getting people to see what fits, then returning what doesn’t. Well, the good part is I have a fourth lotion to throw into the mix for my psoriasis. The patch on my right arm is flaring up again. :/

I got empath Fallout New Vegas off steam. He spent today d/l it, only to learn it got suspended at 6p. No rhyme or reason, just “download suspended’ with 3% left. It’s pissing him off since it’s happened with 8/10 games he’s bought from Steam. Looks like he’ll have to get the files from a friend. Sucks balls.

Don’t think I mentioned it, but I’ve had back pain for 2 weeks. I think I pulled a muscle when everyone was over. I’d helped bring up about 40 DnD books for LM and Dr. Tinycat to browse and I was in a rush to get upstairs. So my lower back/tailbone has hurt since, usually when I’m in that bending over position. It got very bad on Thursday. I spent anytime walking hobbling around with a walking stick. After checking for help via Google, I tried out 2 pilates positions. At this point, I was desperate for any sort of relief. They worked initially, though I’m still in pain, just not using a crutch. It’s like 10x the intensity of when I had my epidurals. I think it’s getting better. I’m using folded towels from dryer (our hot water bottle is MIA) as compresses and talking empath into rubbing A535 on my back before I go to bed. I’m going to attempt baking more cookies tomorrow, provided the kitchen is free (hasn’t been for 2 days due to Xmas). Also, have my fingers crossed that the group can get together soonish. Oh, we saved  the good wrapping paper to give to Maggie and Simon, if we can visit them again.

I only said fuck once

(Notes: Dr. Tinycat’s brother = DTB, Dr. Tinycat’s mom = DTM)

Saturday, we’d bought a pair of candlesticks for DTM, just as a thank you for the ones she’d generously given as an anniversary gift. It wasn’t necessary, but empath wanted to do something more than say thanks. We picked out a pair at Pier 1, then called Sat. morning to see about dropping them off. Dr. T suggested coming over in the late afternoon (what were they doing the night before?). This gave us time to get our biweekly running around done (bills, groceries, take-out).

So we went over with the candlesticks and some of my chocolate chip cookies. DTB was also in town for Xmas. I’d forgotten how equally fuckable he looks; shorter than Dr. Tinycat and with pretty blue eyes. <3 I’d only meet DTM and DTB once, almost 10 years ago. I was very nervous because this was empath’s second mom and I didn’t want her to hate me. She’s cool and smokes, so I was able to inhale a lot of smoke which made me want a cigarette, too. She really loved the candlesticks. The cookies went over well, Dr. Tinycat eating 2 which says a lot (I’ve yet to see him eat dessert). DTB is a writer and very eloquent with a soothing voice. We spent over 4 hours just yakking away. Here’s hoping we’ll get together again! Oh, they have 2 kitties – Maggie and Simon – so I got to enjoy petting animals again.

empath bought me Poker Night at the Inventory from Steam. I want to do videos for it and waited until this morning to try it out. Well, it didn’t start up, so I thought maybe FRAPS was making Steam bug out, but it wouldn’t start up at all. I haven’t been able to find any help to a solution either. Sucks balls because I’ve seen it played and really want to get first-hand experience. It’ not the first game I’ve bought and played through Steam and had the game unplayable. This is putting me off Steam. If I could play Puzzle Pirates without it, I would.

I’m stopping playing RS as well. I’ve decided it’s okay if my character gets deleted, which is what I think happens if I don’t log in all the time and am not a member.

Flirty

More big stuff happening.

Friday, Dec. 9th:

We all got together, this time at our place, for eats and gaming. LM’s wifey is not a DnD player, so she ended up leaving when we started playing. When we’d agreed to meet, DnD was questionable until empath bought Castle Ravenloft the board game (like Munchkin, only cooperative instead of shit-on-your-neighbor). I was totally nervous since I was playing hostess. I didn’t have to make a meal, just snacks and gingerbread cookies with cream cheese icing. I have bad luck with hosting parties; something either goes wrong or no one shows up. It wasn’t super obvious I was in panic mode, but empath could tell. I ended up hugging everyone when they arrived. Mostly, I was worried over how well my cookies would go over (well!). We’d bought them presents (LM an Iron Maiden dvd, wifey Disney princess toothpaste and Dr. Tinycat Glenlivet). I should feel bad that I flirted hard with Dr. Tinycat all night.

Castle Ravenloft was great to play and got everyone back into DnD. I passed out 4 times and had to be saved by LM and revived by Dr. T. None of it was intentional. The point of the game is to find the chapel and retrieve a gem and the only way to do that is to explore which opens up new rooms (and more monsters). Wednesday, we’re doing it again, but without wifey this time.

Sunday, Dec. 11th:

We (tbh I) decided that night we’d renew our wedding vows in front of the old city bus station. The plan was to do the vows, then head down to the Keg and eat out. I wasn’t able to get a reservation and the wait was almost 2 hours.  The vows were sweet. We each talked about why we liked the other and how s/he completed us. Dr. T. gave an impromptu speech about how I was perfect for empath, which made me get all shy and giddy over how much they really liked me.

With the Keg disaster, we moved to Pizza Delight. I was the only person who ordered off the menu (others had buffet). We were there over 2 hours, chatting and I kept an eye on the Packers-Raiders game. We’re making more plans to get together, empath not wanting to lose touch again.

Empath took me out for more Xmas shopping. We priced new computers for me, though we’re going to order on-line and he’ll build it for me. All I need replaced are processor, motherboard and harddrive (which is not gone yet, just small for video making). We stopped at Penningtons to window shop, only to see a deal on $30 bras (I got 4) and a sexy red top for $5. While I modeled at home, I did some dirty talk and got both of us riled up, ending with a great fucking session.